My biggest Enemy

All the way of my life
i woke up this morning and sleep back
as if the sun doesn't shine

i let the curtain closed
i try to breath and give my heavy hiss
i close my eyes so tight, afraid of the fact
the fact that many things i have abandoned in my back

desparate crawling in my head
ask me to give up
turn back
be a coward


then want or not
the fact will say hi to me
appear as reality
my attempt to escape is useless

sun shine comes to my room
i am sick of this
of this procrastinating!
i am stuck

I hate!

this is the fact
my biggest enemy is not her, him, them

yes
my biggest enemy is my,..


my,..
self,..

deadline (Poem)

i am here
breathing in atmosphere
the dawn almost appear
then the result will be clear

somehow, this bring me a sorrow
i ask my self is there a time to be borrowed?
my intention is to shallow
then the assignment is perceived as hollow

again and again befriend with procrastinating
then palm become pale
anxiety is icreasing
i hope there will be amiracle

i am terrorize by it
deadline is preparing to explode in next several minutes
i am counting what i did
it is not enough, i admit

4:32 AM

leaf is trying 2

well, good 'mid'night,..
now is 3:36 am

i am still working on my intro to linguistic assingment,.
the paper still isnt appear yet,

i am trying,
I hope Allah will ease this for me,..
Aaaamin.

leaf is trying

i am doing my Intro to Linguistics assignments,..

phew,..

okay,..

take a breath,...

yet, Alhamdulillah, finally i find that i have to focus on my goal.
like this example, it is hard to burst my passion for study -make the assignment-
then i am thinking bout what can i get after doing this intro to linguistic assigment?
i can be able to analize POETRY, though i am not a literature student. i have at least capability in analizing poem. that's cool huh?
 yeah

and also i can talk bout the children literature then,

thanks to my lecturer.

insight

this day i meet my mentor, she gave me a good insigh.
that sometime we must force ourselves to go out from our house to do a good deed.

yeah,
sometime i am too lazy to do a thing that actually a necessary thing for me.

a good news:
i have make several things to make my room in a good order^^

what a story for today?
i was in a public car, one thing that i notice is that people are more individualist nowadays.
yeah, i am trying to be not that much,..
yup, zoon policon, we need to gather with others.

other things that make me happy
my mentor said that i am funny ^^

he he

i like that. i just realize that i am funny when my mother told me that i am funny.-approximately 1 year a ago-.

o rite,.

tomorrow i have to hand in my assingment,
A PAPER!

tadaa,...
keep spirit Leaf,.!

Laziness

dear my blog

Somehow I think that I’m very wasted for all the gift that my God has given me. He has already gives me many thing: equipments to study, lap top, speakers, own room to study, no roommate, own TV, two cell phones, oxford advanced learns dictionary in my lap top. yet I still be ungrateful

my GPA has already good so far, but this semester 4 semester, my intention to do more in class is lessen. I don’t know how it could be. My pocket money is increasing –my parents give me more-.the laziness appear every time I back home. In class I do it pretty well –when there is no assignment-. when there is an assignment I become pale, curse myself, feeling stuck coz I didn’t do it. people know me as a good student yet I try to show them the opposite today.

Honestly speaking this is making me feel insecure. Knowing that my dream to become a professor, this laziness of life drives my dream to a blur picture. Even me myself feel more excited to do extraculiculer like debating. Debating seems more appealing rather that studying. it seems very contrast with my real intention to go to college: to study!

Seeing one of my outstanding senior in FB make me “jealous”. He can make it! I know, in God Will, I can make it. I think I can make get highs GPA yet the laziness stand there tries to block me from doing the assignment. Sounds silly, but this is what I feel.

Today, at 2.01 am. I try to make my mind clear.

Somehow in put myself in the danger by not making the assignment. A lecturer -who already known me well- upset since I came late for her class and done poor presentation. Let say, I left behind in my class.

What’s wrong with me? Is there any principle of study that I didn’t follow? Do I do not put myself in a hard work? Do these temptations -easiness- blow my mind? Do I cannot handle my “desire to taste the world”?

There is a big why in my mind.

My parents have already done hard for making me go the college. They are working hard. What about me? Sitting and sleeping and watching YouTube video and spent time for useless miscellaneous things. Somehow, I feel pity to myself. I’ve bought several good books but I didn’t read them.