Anger

i was angry with someting. somethign.
someti

Statistic

When we make a blog and that is only fo making th statistic higer and higher, it will only bring us a headache.
nothing left
the sense of desert will appear in our heart

it is wrong when the intention is wrong.

come on Leaf
make a right intention

May Allah show me the way,..
aaaamiin

stand up

coming to campus today
Some of my classmate neglecting me
Don't care bout my attending

i dont care

yet, still there a friend
there
offering me a seat
while others busy with themselves

i thankful to Allah,..
alhamdulillah...

those who are neclecting have nothing do with me, my life
those-InsyaAllah- will never bring me down
coz this is my life
and that is their life

let's see

evryrthing begin from sleeping

it begins from sleep
my tasks are abandoned
and
my lecturer mads at me
my coach mads at me
my friend mads at me
and
my health decrease
my sickness increase
and yes, stress oppresses
and
my sin increase
and
my preparation is lacking
my heart beating hard
fat blocks my blood in my vein
and
i promise
try to promise my self
that sleeping is my enemy
that many heinous things begin from it
and
i say
sorry to my friend
sorry to my lecturer
sorry to my coach who got me wrong-i am not like that, i didnt mean to-
sorry to my mom
sorry to my friend
and
sorry
really apologize
to Allah SWT,..
You've given me many things,...
i am no that ta'at yet,..
but i want to,...
astagfirullah...

in fact

in fact, life is not only about laziness or negative thinking toward my self or others. Life is about "DO"ing something use full.

okkeh
no need for further delaying or pending or postponing....

action!

today story 2

finally i take a descision
i won't submit my papers today coz i didt fisnish it yet. i postpone my meeting with my student org to be tomorrow.

yeah, again postponing.
let's take some evaluation based on what happen today

1. i sleep too much
2. i am too perfectionist to make my paper that i event didnt start even a clear paragraph yet
3. somehow i think lecturer gives me too many burden but if fact it is not that burndened.
4. i need to wash my clothes asap. i need to go somewhere far.
5. the lack of action

Leaf,..
if you really want to change
then,. change
what the time?
now!

hm,...
i am still here in my room with spinning fan.
my time still running
i am here not changing

ok
another question
how to start?
for your  information, the question of "how to start" usually given from someone that is not really have intention to do so.

phiew,..
do i have negative image to my self?
do i often give negative word to my self?
do i often faking of something?

i wanna break this laziness
sleepiness
negativeness
stressness

auf wieder sehen,..

today story

i wake up late and again sleep after subuh. what kind of world would i face?
today i have to go to campus and have meeting in my student org this afternoon.
still, several task didnt finish yet. i have to catch up these task today. before 2.30 pm i have to be in campus unless lessen possiblilty my task will be acepted by my lecturer. The task are 2 papers assignment. well, my mom has already ask me to change. not to sleep so much, but then i still sleep this much.
more and more time i have waste
thouhg i know my time is coming closer and closer, i still pretending that i'll live on Earth for eternally,.. Astagfirullah,..


based on the facts i see from dially life is that i am not that gratefull to Allah SWT for many things He has given me many things from air to breath, room for shelter, brain to think, voice to speak, water for drink, age for collecting capital for the afterlife.

Somehow, i am too excited meeting awesome clever people yet i forget who create them. Sometime I see certain people too high yet I forget that Allah is The One who creates them!
silly
so, silly,..


yeah,..
changing is not only by metnioning it but also by actualitating it.
based on those all things,...
Leaf, I beg you to purpose (to change, to make a betterment, to be gratefuller to Allah, to count you time,not to see people exaggeratedly,)

sometime

sometime, sickness come and your phisic
sometieme i am so busy that i ignore my health
sometime i just disappoint when ill come and while i need to leave for a particular place
time is running, and i remain the same
woke up and sleep again

recently i am appointed to be a leader of a debate club
then i face my self
i ask my self
can i do this with Leaf in this condition

the second mom said that i need to change
make a change!

i was to scared to stare at this position
the second mom position is so strong. He manages everything. from passport, visa, ticket, decide what time will we gathered in front of jurusan,..
yeah, he'll go to somewhere far to reach his dream.

i need to manage my time. this morning i waste my time again by sleeping. what a shame. yet, no more to mock my self. it will cause nothing but weakening my psychology. yeah i need to wake up. i need to stand up!

remember: "And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;-" Al Quran As Syams: 8

heated branches

 not now
to show the world who we are
not now
the sky half black and half white

forcing to make it accepted
scream

fire
heat

accepted
rejected

hope
fail

objected
subjected

the lungs filled with magma
the waterfall fall on my head

here

i am fying
i am fighting

here and there
they are staring

gawking!

trembling


no more frusrating


scream it aloud!


bismillahirrahmaniirahim...

morning

alhamdulillah

this morning i am no longer mourning my laziness
still, there is something to change
well, leaf is trying, rite?


ok, i am listening to nasyid : Raihan.
keep spirit!
you know what, i want to eat hundreds of pages this day^^
aaaamin

Enlighment

A note after i talk to my best friend:
1. Before you help others, help your self first coz it is impossible to help others while you are in "handicap"
2. the more activity you have, the more "ammunition" you need
3. you have to strengthen you qalbu so that you can breath, so that you can do many acctivity without being distructed, so that you can still do tahajjuj, dhuha, tilwah with those tons of activity
4 fulfill the right of you eyes: to see right things, you ears, your qalbu, your mind, your soul. then you'll enjoy your life "ikhlas"ly..

My biggest Enemy

All the way of my life
i woke up this morning and sleep back
as if the sun doesn't shine

i let the curtain closed
i try to breath and give my heavy hiss
i close my eyes so tight, afraid of the fact
the fact that many things i have abandoned in my back

desparate crawling in my head
ask me to give up
turn back
be a coward


then want or not
the fact will say hi to me
appear as reality
my attempt to escape is useless

sun shine comes to my room
i am sick of this
of this procrastinating!
i am stuck

I hate!

this is the fact
my biggest enemy is not her, him, them

yes
my biggest enemy is my,..


my,..
self,..

deadline (Poem)

i am here
breathing in atmosphere
the dawn almost appear
then the result will be clear

somehow, this bring me a sorrow
i ask my self is there a time to be borrowed?
my intention is to shallow
then the assignment is perceived as hollow

again and again befriend with procrastinating
then palm become pale
anxiety is icreasing
i hope there will be amiracle

i am terrorize by it
deadline is preparing to explode in next several minutes
i am counting what i did
it is not enough, i admit

4:32 AM

leaf is trying 2

well, good 'mid'night,..
now is 3:36 am

i am still working on my intro to linguistic assingment,.
the paper still isnt appear yet,

i am trying,
I hope Allah will ease this for me,..
Aaaamin.

leaf is trying

i am doing my Intro to Linguistics assignments,..

phew,..

okay,..

take a breath,...

yet, Alhamdulillah, finally i find that i have to focus on my goal.
like this example, it is hard to burst my passion for study -make the assignment-
then i am thinking bout what can i get after doing this intro to linguistic assigment?
i can be able to analize POETRY, though i am not a literature student. i have at least capability in analizing poem. that's cool huh?
 yeah

and also i can talk bout the children literature then,

thanks to my lecturer.

insight

this day i meet my mentor, she gave me a good insigh.
that sometime we must force ourselves to go out from our house to do a good deed.

yeah,
sometime i am too lazy to do a thing that actually a necessary thing for me.

a good news:
i have make several things to make my room in a good order^^

what a story for today?
i was in a public car, one thing that i notice is that people are more individualist nowadays.
yeah, i am trying to be not that much,..
yup, zoon policon, we need to gather with others.

other things that make me happy
my mentor said that i am funny ^^

he he

i like that. i just realize that i am funny when my mother told me that i am funny.-approximately 1 year a ago-.

o rite,.

tomorrow i have to hand in my assingment,
A PAPER!

tadaa,...
keep spirit Leaf,.!

Laziness

dear my blog

Somehow I think that I’m very wasted for all the gift that my God has given me. He has already gives me many thing: equipments to study, lap top, speakers, own room to study, no roommate, own TV, two cell phones, oxford advanced learns dictionary in my lap top. yet I still be ungrateful

my GPA has already good so far, but this semester 4 semester, my intention to do more in class is lessen. I don’t know how it could be. My pocket money is increasing –my parents give me more-.the laziness appear every time I back home. In class I do it pretty well –when there is no assignment-. when there is an assignment I become pale, curse myself, feeling stuck coz I didn’t do it. people know me as a good student yet I try to show them the opposite today.

Honestly speaking this is making me feel insecure. Knowing that my dream to become a professor, this laziness of life drives my dream to a blur picture. Even me myself feel more excited to do extraculiculer like debating. Debating seems more appealing rather that studying. it seems very contrast with my real intention to go to college: to study!

Seeing one of my outstanding senior in FB make me “jealous”. He can make it! I know, in God Will, I can make it. I think I can make get highs GPA yet the laziness stand there tries to block me from doing the assignment. Sounds silly, but this is what I feel.

Today, at 2.01 am. I try to make my mind clear.

Somehow in put myself in the danger by not making the assignment. A lecturer -who already known me well- upset since I came late for her class and done poor presentation. Let say, I left behind in my class.

What’s wrong with me? Is there any principle of study that I didn’t follow? Do I do not put myself in a hard work? Do these temptations -easiness- blow my mind? Do I cannot handle my “desire to taste the world”?

There is a big why in my mind.

My parents have already done hard for making me go the college. They are working hard. What about me? Sitting and sleeping and watching YouTube video and spent time for useless miscellaneous things. Somehow, I feel pity to myself. I’ve bought several good books but I didn’t read them.